S07E05 - The Workplace Proximity

No: 140  |  Season: 7   Episode: 5  |  Air Date: 2013-10-17  |  Runtime: mins

Amy: Image number five, kitten in a teacup.

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Summary

After a fight with Bernadette, Howard ends up on Raj's couch. Sheldon and Amy clash when Amy takes a job at the university.

Director and Writers

Director: Mark Cendrowski
Writers: Story by: Steven Molaro & Steve Holland & Maria Ferrari / Teleplay by: Chuck Lorre & Eric Kaplan & Jim Reynolds

Script

Script: S07E05 - The Workplace Proximity

Quotes

Bernadette: I'm not apologizing to Howard. He can come begging on his knees.
Amy: Sheldon too. If I see him at work I'm just going to ignore him.

Penny: Sheldon, what happened between you and Amy?
Sheldon: Well, can you believe she said I embarrassed her?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: But you didn't even hear the details.
Leonard: Sheldon, I've known you a long time, and I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster: Amy's right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: But you don't even know...
Leonard: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Well, yeah, but in my defense...
Leonard: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: You're not listening to my side of it.
Penny: OK, fine, Sheldon, what is your side?
Sheldon: (sighs) Well...
Penny: No, gotta go with Amy on this one.

Raj: You know, my parents met at his place of work.
Sheldon: Your father's a gynecologist.
Raj: I know; what started as a pap smear turned into a date. Which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which then turned into hatred which continues to this day.

Amy: And this is Dr. Gunderson from Stockholm.
Sheldon: Ja-ah, Sweden. The home of my favorite Muppet and uh second favorite meatball.
(Amy and Gunderson just stare at him)
Sheldon: OK. The Nordic reputation for lack of humor is well founded.
(Amy and Gunderson look at each other)
Sheldon: Boy, is his name Gunderson or Nofunderson?

Howard: Listen to me. Sheldon misunderstood. What I meant was if we worked together, there'd be too much of me for you, not the other way around.
Sheldon: Howard, if you're going to lie to your wife, you don't start the sentence with "Sheldon misunderstood". That's a dead giveaway.

Amy: And this is Dr. Gunderson from Stockholm.
Sheldon: Aw, Sweden. Home of my favorite Muppet and second favorite meatball. OK. The Nordic reputation for a lack of humor is well founded. Wait. Is his name Gunderson or No-Funderson?
Amy: Where are we going with this, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: Oh, please. I'm your boyfriend. Call me Sheldon. That's right. I'm in a boy-girl relationship with this cute little lump of wool.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: It is a physical relationship too. Hand holding; hugging; even on hot days. Ow! Here's an new one. Apparently now we kick each other in the shin under the table. How do you like it when I do it to you? Not so much, huh?

Howard: My point is I'm sure there are things about me that would drive you crazy if you had to deal with them all day long.
Bernadette: Like looking me in the eye and lying to me?
Howard: Well, uh, come on, I mean where am I supposed to look when I lie to you?

Sheldon: You sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?

Amy: This project would have us working in close proximity to one another, and there's the vulgar adage that one should not defecate where one eats.
Sheldon: My father used to say that all the time. That and um, "who does one have to orally gratify to get a drink around here?" But what does that have to do with you working at the university?
Amy: Sheldon, don't defecate where you eat means don't have a romantic relationship in the workplace.
Sheldon: Really!
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Hnh. I always took it literally. That's why I have never once moved my bowels in this or any restaurant.
Amy: I'm relieved that you don't have a problem with us working together.
Sheldon: Not as relieved as I'm about to be. It's a brave new world, little lady.
(he heads toward the washroom)

Sheldon: That was before Howard explained to me how awful it would be if he had to work with his significant other.
Bernadette: He said what?
Sheldon: Oh don't be insulted. He just thinks too much of you would be mind-numbingly tedious.

Bernadette: Well?
Howard: Okay, fine. I did say that, and I think it's true. I think if we work together and live together, we'd get sick of each other.
Sheldon: Yeah, but to be fair, he only said the part about him getting sick of you.
Howard: (angrily) For the love of God, why?
Bernadette: (Sheldon awkwardly heads towards Leonard and Raj on the couch) What exactly do you think you'd get sick of?
Raj: (speaking quietly to Leonard) His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.
Howard: It's nothing in particular. I...
Bernadette: Is it my voice? Am I too bossy?
Howard: (he rubs his right arm) My arm is feeling numb.
Leonard: (to Raj) Nailed it.
Bernadette: That's the wrong arm for a heart attack, Doofus.

Sheldon: (Knock... knock... knock) . Amy.
(Knock... knock... knock)
Sheldon: . Amy.
(Knock... knock... knock)
Sheldon: . Amy.
Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here so late?
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about what happened earlier between us. Also I had one heck of a bus nap. Oh speaking of which. Do you want some mutton and coconut milk?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Boy, I cannot give this stuff away.
Amy: What do you want?
Sheldon: Amy, this isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult, but even more so when you're in one with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions and frankly who can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo.
Amy: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon: I wasn't speaking about me. I mean honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. You know, introducing myself as your boyfriend. Giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor, you're funniest kind of humor.
Amy: What's your point?
Sheldon: My point is we're a couple and I like you for who you are quirks and all.
Amy: I like you too.
Sheldon: I should hope so. I don't see anyone else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense.
(Amy slams the door in his face)
Sheldon: Not even a goodbye. You see, that's the kind of thing that makes people think you're weird. Poor kid, she just doesn't see it.

Amy: What do you want?
Sheldon: Amy, This isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult. But even more so when you're in one with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions, and frankly who can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo.
Amy: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon: I wasn't speaking about me. I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. Now, uh, introducing myself as your boyfriend, giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor, the funniest kind of humor.
Amy: What's your point?
Sheldon: My point is we're a couple, and I like you for who you are. Quirks and all.
Amy: I like you too.
Sheldon: I should hope so. I don't see anyone else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense.
(she closes the door in his face)
Sheldon: (through the door) Not even a good-bye. You see, that's the kind of thing makes people think you're weird.
Sheldon: (to himself) Poor kid. She just doesn't see it.

Leonard: Laser's warmed up.
Howard: Pull!
(Raj throws up a balloon, which Howard bursts using the laser)
Leonard, Howard, Raj, Sheldon: Yay!

Penny: Awkward silence. Sheldon on his phone. No touching. Somebody's having date night.

Sheldon: Maybe your friend Gunderson needs to head over to IKEA and assemble a sense of humor.

Penny: Awkward silence, Sheldon on his phone, no touching, somebody's having date night.
Amy: It's actually steamier than it looks; Sheldon's looking up the phallic symbolism of root vegetables in Renaissance paintings.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I got bored with that; I'm just browsing cuticle scissors on Amazon.
Penny: How do you not tear off his clothes and take him right here on this table?
Sheldon: If you do that, I'll scream.

Sheldon: I appreciate your concern, but I won't be seeing any more of Amy than I already do. I assume we'll deduct any extra time we spend together at work from our weekly quota.
Leonard: Please let me be there when you tell her that.
Sheldon: Why? So you can see the look on Amy's face when she hears my top-notch idea?
Leonard: Please, oh please, just let me be there.

Bernadette: I may have over-reacted
Howard: Well, yeah, well. I didn't handle it so great either.
Bernadette: Just sometimes I feel like you enjoy spending time with your friends more than with me.
Howard: That's not true.
Bernadette: It's not? You spend all day together at work and then you all hang out at night playing games, going to the comic book store. Last week you two got a couple's massage. You said you wouldn't want to spend that much time with me, it really hurt my feelings.
Howard: Oh wow, yeah, I get that. I'm so sorry. Starting tomorrow I am turning over a new leaf. Being with you is my number one priority.

Sheldon: (knock knock knock) Amy-Bernadette-Penny.
(knock knock knock)
Sheldon: Amy-Bernadette-Penny.
(knock knock knock)
Sheldon: Amy-Bernadette-Penny.
Bernadette: He's never going to stop doing that, is he?
Amy: I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his love of repetition to good use some day.

Howard: I'm just saying I'd never want to work with Bernadette. I mean, can you imagine seeing someone all day long, then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
Raj: Whoa, hold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
Howard: Yeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.

Penny: That's right. My phone is just as smart as you guys!

Notes and Trivia

Amy's apartment number is 314. The value of Pi is 3.14.

During the argument between Howard and Bernadette, the apartment flag on the refrigerator is seen upside down, indicating that the apartment is in distress.

Goofs

None

Cast

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